As if I needed another newfangled phobia, I made the mistake of watching a phrogging docuseries on Hulu. I’ve heard of squatters— people who stay in abandoned buildings without permission— but this takes it to another level. Phroggers move into your house while you actually live there!

What in the actual phruck?!

The 10-episode season originally aired on Lifetime in July, 2022. Each story is told firsthand by the survivors of these intruders. Nearly all of them begin with the same pattern. They started noticing out of the ordinary yet seemingly innocuous occurrences. A soda can goes missing from the fridge. The toilet seat was left up in a house full of women. The laundry room door had been shut, but it usually remained open.

As most of us would, the residents formulated theories as to how these events could have realistically happened. A neighbor drank it. Mom cleaned the bathroom. The fiancée inadvertently closed it. Gradually, each person’s experiences get more frequent and more severe.

Not only is it absolutely agonizing that this phenomenon exists, it’s doubly shocking that it happens somewhat regularly. A few of the invaders knew their targets. Some were former tenants, some were jilted exes, and perhaps the most unnerving of them all, some were stalkers who had upgraded themselves to roommate level in their own minds.

Most of the phroggers get arrested for trespassing, burglary, and other charges. But this is the ultimate invasion of privacy. Think of all the things you do when you’re home alone. Yeah, that. Yep, that stuff too. Mmm-hmm, all of that. And these creeps are riding along with you every second of the way.

Another way to keep your home safe from unwanted stowaways is to research their methods. A subreddit dedicated to runaways and homeless offers tips on how to find the right houses, how to stay undetected, and what to do in case of emergencies. I can already envision the poster undoubtedly using some unsuspecting family’s WiFi to share that advice as he hides in their attic. Gross.

So, next time you hear something go bump in the night, just remember that it could be Ezequiel Zayas who left detailed plans to perform DIY surgery on his victims and then later killed his cellmate in prison. Or it could just be your house adjusting. Sleep tight!